The Pain of Freedom: Part 1 of the Empowered
by SeraphJamion
Summary: After Voldermort is defeated Harry temporarily leaves the wizarding world and his memories behind....along with his pain. HPSS. Rating is just in case.
1. Default Chapter

The Pain of Freedom: Part 1 of the Empowered

Disclaimer: I own nothing except the original characters and the concept; all the HP characters belong to JK Rowling.

Prologue

Harry looked down on the pale man, deep in a healing sleep. He laid his hand on his forehead gently and sent his power through the man's weakened body once more to heal any remaining injuries he had. As he withdrew, satisfied with the results, the irony on the situation struck and he smiled slightly. It was a sad empty expression that didn't reach his weary eyes.

Of all the people who had been killed or injured during the short second war against Voldemort it had been Severus Snape who was the trigger that ended the Dark Lords reign for good. In many strong wizards it was quite for them to come into the bulk of their power in there early twenties, when their control was secure on their magic. It had been so with Harry, although he had gone through him Empowerment, as it was called, at the unheard-of age of 15. Even Merlin had been 21 when he had been Empowered. Harry was suddenly the youngest and most powerful being ever to exist and it was unlikely, in the minds of most including Albus Dumbledore, that there would ever be a power to match his. No-one but Harry truly knew the extent of his

power and abilities.

In his newly empowered state Harry had felt and seen the moment when Voldemort began his torture of Severus, a punishment with the discovery of his treachery. All it had taken to provoke Harry into a mindless rage was the first indication of pain from Severus and, in a single flick of magic that had been felt by the entire wizarding and muggle worlds; he had wiped out Voldemort and all of his supporters.

Harry reached out once more and stroked his fingertips briefly over the unconscious wizard's forehead before letting his hand fall limply to his side and forcing himself to turn and leave the room to join the Order members and his friends. They all knew that something was about happen; Harry could hear their thoughts and feel their worry before he even entered the room in which they were situated. He knew that Dumbledore at least had an inkling of his intentions, even though he hadn't intruded on his deeper thoughts. He could see it in the twinkle that was ominously absent from those suddenly saddened eyes.

An ache built in Harry's chest. Voldemort, the dark lord, was defeated, the threat was gone. Harry Potter, a 15 year old, was truly all powerful. And Severus Snape, former Death Eater, all around git, who hated Harry as much, if not more so, than he had ever hated his father, was his soul mate.

TBC

Author's Note: I'll probably update this pretty quickly, since I've got most of it already written. Please, please review. This is my first fanfic so don't be too harsh, but tell me if it's really bad. I know this first chappy is short but the others should be longer. Cya, Seraph Jamion


	2. Chapter One: Leaving

The Pain of Freedom: Part 1 of the Empowered

Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoat Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.

Author's Note: Sorry for any spelling or other mistakes in the last chapter; I'll try to read over it better this time-I don't have a beta. This chapter is kind of a continuation of the prologue, but I'm going to call it chapter one anyway. This first part doesn't really deserve the rating but the next probably will. Hope you enjoy; sorry if it's shit. Seraph

Chapter One: Leaving

Harry didn't meet anyone's gaze as he entered the room he just headed straight for the window. The first light of dawn was just creeping over the horizon, turning the sky a grayish white, and bleaching everything it touched to the same empty shade. The light reflected off Harry's countenance, for a moment revealing the ancient wisdom within him, usually concealed by his youthful features.

When he spoke his voice was so quiet that the others almost missed his words.

"I'm going to go away for a time. Voldemort has been defeated and the aurors can take care of any lingering threats. It's not necessary for me to be here anymore."

He turned to face them all before they could voice the protests welling up in their throats. His eyes were beyond old and filled with a weariness that they could all feel.

"It won't be forever, only a year or so when everything has hopefully blown over a little. I love and cherish all of you; you are my friends and family, but I need to go."

Harry took a deep breath, knowing that his words were surprising many of them. He was rarely so free with his emotions, but he knew that it was something he had to do, for them and for himself.

"My appearance has changed since my Empowerment and not many have seen me as I am now."

All eyes moved to his forehead where his curse scar had once been. There was only smooth unblemished skin now and he had grown almost a foot and now towered well over six feet in height. He had also become muscular and broadened considerably to match his height. There were other more subtle changes as well. His skin had darkened to a deep olive tone and, no longer need the glasses to see clearly, his eyes were an even more vivid, otherworldly emerald color, now shadowed with pain. He had become the epitome of the hunter, unseen and deadly, at fifteen.

"I won't be recognized if I go now."

Hermione gave a little sob and threw herself into his arms with Molly Weasley not far behind. He wrapped them in his embrace and sent waves of soothing emotion over them with his empathic powers until they calmed. Hermione finally released him, wiping her eyes. She sent him a watery glare.

"You'd better be back."

The threat in her voice was almost ruined in the next moment as she hugged him briefly and fiercely before releasing him once more.

He was embrace and threatened by them all as he said goodbye to everyone, feeling something deep inside him begin to bleed as they all reluctantly left. He would miss them, deep in his heart and soul.

Then there was only Albus. Harry looked at him seriously, seeing the worry on his face. He had never thought of Dumbledore as young in any way but Harry had aged so much inside that he could see his insecurity for what it was. He smiled sadly at him.

"This is for the best."

"To leave before he wakes?" he asked. "You don't know how he is going to react, what he will do. Harry he is your soul mate, you are meant to be together, how can he not want to be with you, once he has thought it over." His voice was almost pleading.

Harry shook his head gently and laid his hand on his arm, sending emotional reassurances.

"I know what his choice is, he's already made it, it was clear. He's repulsed by the whole idea. I didn't look into his mind; I didn't have to. He doesn't want anything to do with me."

Pain, wrenching, ripped through him as he recalled vividly the exact expression on Severus' face before he turned away after Harry had returned with Sirius through the veil; he had just managed to avoid actually feeling his disgust with a tight control on his telepathic and empathic skills. Everyone present, indeed everyone in both the magical and Muggle worlds, had felt the shock of magic as their souls had collided and joined...and then Severus had pulled away. He'd turned away and Harry didn't blame him. He wasn't worthy of love or even affection; that was clear to him. It's was equally clear to him, and, he was sure, quite clear to most of his friends, that he loved Severus Snape. The truth had been there for anyone to see in his destructive rage against those who had harm his soul mate; and in the way he had cradled his unconscious form in his arms when he apparated them both back to Hogwarts, the wards allowing his to do as no other could.

Harry took a deep breath. "I'm going to block my own memories, all of them, and my magic while I am away. But if I'm needed I will know and my memories will return, the spell will be broken and I will be here. I don't think I will be needed now though. I'll place a trigger in your mind as a failsafe if you consent. If you think for any reason that I should have my memories back before my time has past and the need is true the spell release will come into your mind; if it doesn't you will know that you don't really need me."

Dumbledore tried to interrupt as Harry smiled wryly at him but he was silenced as he shook his head. His smile faded and he looked at the other seriously.

"I'm tired, Albus. There is nothing here for me anymore, staying will only cause more pain; to myself and those I care about."

His gaze wandered briefly toward the bedroom where Severus rested and pain once again joined the weariness in his ageless eyes.

"I plan to live as a Muggle for this year I am away, maybe make some friends and live for a little while before I come back. My heart and soul won't forget; I can't block out my feelings. But maybe I can make some memories that aren't tainted with agony and loss. Maybe, when I come back, I will be able to use those memories to mask my feelings. I still have emotions just like everyone else, and there is so much going on in my head that I can't even sort them out. I _need _to do this."

Dumbledore looked at him in silence for a moment, knowing he could never understand the pain he was in. He nodded slowly and wordlessly wrapped to his arms around the boy he loved like a son, who had exceeded him already in wisdom and knowledge, and held on tightly. It was much like the embrace of Molly and Hermione and Albus felt like sobbing himself. When they pulled back Harry smiled at him softly in understanding.

"Look after them all for me." He paused and his smile faded to sadness. "Look after _him _for me."

Albus nodded and Harry raised his hands to touch his temples briefly. Albus felt a zing of magic go through his head and then Harry pulled his hands away. He knew that Harry must have place the spell release inside his mind. And then Harry was gone and Albus was alone in an empty room.

TBC


	3. Chapter Two: Waking

Pain of Freedom: Part 1 of the Empowered

Author's Note: Thanks so much to everyone who reviewed, I'll try to update as quickly as I can.

Chapter Two: Waking

Severus awoke to a feeling of weakness and a sense of loss. Something vital to him as breath was missing. He sighed as his thoughts came together and tried unsuccessfully to banish the feeling as he rose and walked over to the window slowly. He knew exactly what, or rather who, was missing and he had no right to the emotion. Or the possessiveness he felt. He didn't deserve Harry. Nothing would ever make him good enough. And he was much too old for him. Apart from that he had made very certain with his words and actions that Harry would never want to be with him.

Severus attempted and failed miserably to block out the memory of Harry's stricken expression as he turned away from him. It was for the best, he knew that, but in that moment all he had wanted to do was take his soul mate in his arms and pledge to never cause him pain again. There was no way though, that they could ever be together.

Harry had most likely realized that as soon as his mind had cleared of the shock of that first connection of souls. Severus snorted inwardly without any amusement at his self deception. He himself still hadn't gotten over the shock that the blasted boy-who-bloody-lived was the other half of his soul. But try as he may he couldn't think of the little prat with anything but tenderness...and love. Severus sighed aloud. He really was a dirty old man.

Madame Pomfrey walked in and, seeing his empty bed, marched over to him and began berating him for "frolicking around, and in his condition!" (A/N Sorry, had to pause for a moment to imagine Sev frolicking, LOL). Severus returned to his bed after only a half-hearted sneer. There was something in her expression that worried him. A million thoughts rushed into his mind, each one more horrifying than the last.

"What's happened?" he asked, cutting her off mid-tirade.

She froze and avoided his probing gaze. Severus felt fear, unfelt and unacknowledged for so many years, begin to creep up his spine in icy chills. He forgot himself.

"Has something happened to Harry; is he alright?!" he blurted out as he started to rise from the bed once more.

She finally met his eyes as she put out her hand to stop him, but it was her words that halted his panicked movement.

"Nothing has happened to Harry that I know of."

Her words calmed him somewhat but her careful wording kept his on edge. He could tell that she was concealing something as she continued, blatantly changing the subject. "He-who-mus...Voldermort has been defeated, Severus, along with all his followers."

She seemed to spark with excitement all at once, and he stared at her, not daring to believe her words. He urgently pulled up his sleeve, belatedly realizing that the Dark Mark had not even twinged since he had awoken. Sure enough the mark that had bound him was gone without a trace, leaving only his pale skin behind. Emotions whirled erratically within him as he tried to process that the nightmare that had held him in thrall for more that 20 years was over. Then he looked up again. The looked on his face was as menacing as ever as he demanded the truth with his words.

"Is Harry really alright?"

He knew that his soul mate was the only one capable of defeating Voldermort. He was only slightly reassured when Poppy again tried to convince him of Harry safety. Her expression once more took on that same uneasy cast that gave her away when she tried to conceal something.

Before Severus could begin to interrogate her the door to the infirmary opened and Albus Dumbledore walked in. He took in the situation at a glance.

"Thank you, Poppy. I believe you are needed in the great hall."

He said nothing more until the door closed behind her relieved form. Albus sat in the chair beside the bed Severus was currently occupying.

"I'm sure Poppy has told you of Voldermort's defeat, so I will only assure you that he has indeed been destroyed. For good this time." He paused, and then sighed. "And I am sure that you are anxious to know Harry's condition."

He gave Severus a shrewd look, completely lacking in his usual amused twinkle. Severus said nothing just returned his look steadily without flinching. There was no point in denying it, not to Dumbledore.

"Physically, Harry is without injury, as far as I know. But there have been developments, while you slept, that prevent me, or any of us for that matter, from knowing for sure. Harry has, quite simply, vanished from the wizarding world. He has gone of his own free will away for a year and will not be back until that year is over."

Severus sat in shock, years of practice the only thing keeping the emotion from his expression. He only distantly heard Dumbledore pause. There was only one thing that truly registered. Harry was gone. He was out of his reach; he couldn't touch him or see him. Deep inside Severus something screamed in anguish as all his senses search in vain for the conceited little brat who had been the bane of his existence for years. But he didn't find him. Harry was gone and he wouldn't be back for a long time.

TBC

A/N: I know that Severus seems a little out of character but bear in mind that he is finally free of his enslavement which forced him to live a lie for a very long time. He has got a choice about loving Harry, he was meant to from before he was born but it was only apparent after Harry became a mature wizard with his empowerment. So he'll love him... whether he likes it or not!


	4. Chapter Three: Pointless Realizations

The Pain of Freedom: Part 1 of the Empowered

Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoat Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.

A/N: Thanx so much to everyone who reviewed....sorry I didn't reply after each chapter!

Mikito: Sorry I took so long to update...hope you enjoy this chapter!!

Tazthedevilman: I'm sorry I took so long to get this chapter up...bad, bad author. At the moment the plan is for Harry to be away for a year...but something unforeseen may occur to bring him back early...mysterious music

Texasjeanette: He hasn't got a chance to find Harry...but maybe Harry won't be way as long as planned??? You never know...sorry for the delay and thanx for the review. I know that technically and in the eyes of many Harry would still be a child. But as Albus says later in this chapter "...to be a child one must have a childhood...".

Tigris T Draconus: NO!! Not the silly string! bows head in shame I hope you like this one...

Inevitable Darkness: Thank you so much!! I'm glad you like it so far...I'll do my best to keep it going.

Miki23: Well Sev has no chance of finding Harry...at least at the moment. Harry's new life will start off in the next chapter...you'll just have to wait and see evil grin!!!

Insanechildfanfic: I'm glad you liked it so far..thanx for the review!!

Author's Note (2): Please, please don't kill me...NO!!!! Not the guy in the fluffy pink bunny suit!!!! (Is it just me or is that the most phobia inducing sight in the world....embarrassing silence....oooook, just me then.). Seriously though, I'm so sorry for taking so long to update and for the length of the chapters. I haven't been able to access my computer or the net for weeks and then my story disks mysteriously went missing only to reappear after I threatened to erase my sister's files (who by the way does not even live with me and what was she doing with my computer anyway?). This chapter is going to be pretty short as well but I'll try to be quicker on the updates. On with the story.....

Chapter Three: Pointless Realizations

Severus buried his head in his hands, feeling Albus' intense gaze fall heavily on him. There was a long moment of silence before he found his voice, a brittle note entering his tone.

"It's because of me, isn't it?"

He spoke with raising his head, more of a statement than a question really. Albus answered nonetheless.

"Among other things. There were many reasons, Severus. Under all the niceties it is a simple fact that for almost five years Harry has carried the burden of being expected to do something not even the strongest witched and witches could accomplish. And he has now done this thing; he has lived up to every expectation and more. But it has been at a great price and I believe that only a select few in our world are now realizing the enormity of their expectations. They and I as well, have forced a child of eleven to take on the responsibility of the world's well-being. Now that child is no more, he never really existed for to be a child one must have a childhood."

Albus sighed then with such sadness that Severus raised his head to meet the headmaster's sorrowful and wretched gaze. They both knew very well that Harry's life in the Dursley's care had as far from loving and happy as you could get. Severus was filled with rage for a moment at the thought of those pitiful excuses for flobberworm slime but he was brought back to himself as the headmaster continued. There was a slight edge to his voice as he spoke directly to Severus.

"Harry is a man now, Severus, and his soul mate has rejected him. You know how ridiculously low his feelings of self worth are as a bi-product of his years with his aunt and uncle. For all his powers of empathy and the mind he is still so insecure. He thinks that you are disgusted and repulsed by the very thought of being his life mate. So he has removed himself from your presence, in his respect for you and in the hope of gaining some control over his emotional responses to you."

Albus' voice had been hardening as he spoke and he ended in a stony whisper.

"For he, in his feelings, is anything but disgusted or repulsed by the situation. But all he can see clearly at this time is your rather cruel rejection."

The headmaster's eyes were now fierce as he glared at Severus. Severus really didn't notice as his mind raced over the sheer truth of his words. He felt an unfamiliar ache in chest at the thought of Harry's pain, which _he _had caused in his foolish quest to protect his soul mate from being bound to a greasy old git. He should have known that Harry's fragile self-esteem would cause him to place the blame of Severus' rejection solely on his own shoulders, along with all the other problems in the world.

All his resolves were thrown away as the rubbish they were as the truth coursed through him. He, who had not even opened up enough to smile in at least twenty years, finally admitted to himself that what he felt for Harry Potter went beyond even the deepest love. In any other circumstance the irony of the situation might have amused him but he couldn't even imagine having a positive feeling while separated from _his _brat. Harry deserved better than him, no-one would dispute that, but for some unknown reason they shared a soul. Anyone would agree that Harry had got the majority or even all of the good to be had in them but they were a set, a matching pair, and neither would exist without the other.

Severus focused once more on Albus.

"You have no idea where he went?"

The old man seemed to deflate as Severus held his gaze. He slumped back into his chair and looked back with ominously twinkle-free eyes.

"There is simply no trace of him. Harry is more powerful than any other, be they living, dead, or yet to come. Though there is still something of a youth in him he is knowledgeable beyond anything I could ever dream when it comes to magic. He doesn't _want _to be found, so quite simply he can't be. Not by me anyway."

He looked wearily at Severus and continued without much hope.

"I don't suppose you can feel anything through your soul links...."

The younger man closed his eyes for a moment and focused on Harry. He slammed into a mental wall between them that cushioned him as he hit and gently but firmly pushed him away. He opened his eyes and blinked at the foreign burning in his eyes.

"He's blocked me out completely. I know he is there but there isn't a way to reach through the wall. I can't trace him."

Albus sighed and gazed unseeing into the fire, which burn away in a subdued manner as if it felt the sorrow of the two wizards.

"Severus..." He paused for a long moment. "I don't think that there is a way to find Harry. Not until he wants to be found."

The ache in Severus' chest intensified and the burning sensation came back to his eyes as he rapidly blinked away moisture. He didn't say a word as the truth hung between them oppressively. The mere thought of a year away from Harry...his Harry...was almost too much to bare. It tore at him deep inside his heart and left him feeling ripped and bleeding.

He knew without a doubt that when Harry returned he would have changed, he would have found a way to distance himself from Severus. No longer would he share the utter love that Severus had felt flow from him in that split second before he turned away from his soul mate. Severus alone would be left with the all-encompassing emotions as Harry found someone worthy of his love.

He said nothing as his despair filled the room, allowing nothing to show through his rigid mask. Then he just turned and strode in swift mockery of his usual gate through the castle to his dungeon quarters. He reached his door and closed it quietly behind him with a flick of his wand. Only then did the unfamiliar wetness flow freely from his eyes and he collapsed to the floor and lay there weeping salty tears for the first time in his miserable life.

"Harry..."

A/N: I know, he's pretty out of character, but really what _is _known about Snape's true personality. He's been a Death Eater for approximately twenty years right? How can he not become hardened serving that Snake-Faced slimeball. Add to that the pressure of being a spy for the Order and the fact that no-one really seems to appreciate his work; I mean really...has anyone offered him some anti-depressants? This guy really needs some happy-pills. Now there's this one good thing that comes into his life and he just screwed it up big-time. Of _course_ he's going to fall apart. Don't worry though; he'll have plenty of time to get all mean again. Next chapter; where _has_ Harry gone?


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